Want to feel empowered? Give up trying to fit in :)

Posted by Robin Berg on Thursday, October 7, 2021 Under: Confidence

Soul Moxie Insights

Want to feel empowered? Give up fitting in.

When we let go of trying to blend in and do what "everyone" does, we honor our true needs. And feel empowered.

For much of my life I've felt a bit "irregular" among peers...not entirely fitting in. Sometimes I could celebrate my differences and other times I suffered from self-judgment.

In the past few years, and more strongly, recent months, it has become crystal clear to me, that if I wish to do my best work, to collaborate with people around their Soul work, I must let go of trying to fit in.

I've finally realized, and moreover accepted, that I cannot do this work AND fit in, doing what everyone else is doing, operating in sync with modern culture. (i.e. uber busy, go-go-go, socially plugged in to the "cool" scene, even alcohol!)

It is a huge claiming. It is sometimes daunting. And sometimes a little lonely (which can be remedied when you find your "tribe").

Amazingly, now that I have fully claimed my not fitting in, it's actually incredibly empowering and liberating...like I finally have permission to BE in a new way...a way I'm meant to be.

An example: I go to a social event where there are a variety of lovely people. We talk, we share about what's happening in life, kids, marriage, career. In the moment, FUN! However, typically I go home exhausted.

As an empathic HSP, social situations require immense energy output from me-- there is an exponential amount of information to sift through and process-- environmental stimuli around me and all the energy/moods/emotions of others. If there are lots of people/stimuli, it can be really challenging, even draining.

I can do it-- be social in those environments and conversations.
And yet, what is even more true, is that I'm not really built for being busy, in stimulating environments and super social.

I'm built to observe and gather lots of subtle information and energy, interpret it and reflect it back to others (clients) in a new way that offers a fresh perspective.

Now that I know that, I can start to see my differences as "superpowers"-a whole new view. I can start to care for them and cultivate them, rather than ignoring my needs and feeling drained.

Here are a few energy-giving and nourishing practices for me:

quiet time alone
time in nature
meditation
writing
creating/drawing/coloring/painting
1:1 deep conversations about soul, life purpose, intuition

In the end it's a choice...and not always an easy one. Sometimes I need to decline an invite or go home early. Other times I may have to "flex" my comfort zone-especially with an 8 year old who loves being active...(immediately followed by an energy rebalance so I can be my best self/wife/parent/coach/leader.)

Now I know.
Now I own it and understand what I need to thrive.

Does trying to fit in drain your energy?

If so, consider:

In what area am I trying to fit in (and over-flexing to my depletion)?
What do I actually need?
In what area(s) of life can I confidently give up fitting in to reclaim my energy (and self-esteem)?

There is so much energy we gain through owning & accepting: